An Inspirational Message about Kickball 2008
It’s that time of the year again and the kickball season is right around the corner! We are starting this summer’s season on Saturday June 7th, 2008, with the final games being on Saturday August 2nd. Mindy Huffman will be my co-commish, she will be learning the ropes in between fetching beers all summer. Hey, I had to do it for Sara and Todd! Mindy has already brought some great ideas and is an excellent additon to the league.
This season will be about fun first, fun second, and fun third! By fun we mean creative costumes, skits, drinking, taunts, nudity, and hopefully we’ll remember to actually play some kickball. Please don’t come to game whining about how your job sucks, your love life is in the toilet, or you’re too old for this (I won’t if you don’t). When you step out onto that hallowed kickball diamond you need to transcend the mundane bullshit that is your life, let loose your inner pervert and have a great time! If I see someone on the field not having fun, I’m pelting them in the head with a beer! I don’t mean some pansy ass plastic cup either, I’m talking a full on fastball, 24 oz. can of Pabst Blue Ribbon goodness! Afterwards I don’t want to hear any complaining about a possible concussion, I want to see you shotgun that beer, and get with the program, which is FUN! Nothing spells FUN better than shotgunning a beer whilst expeirencing head trauma. Don’t get worried about who wins or loses the game. I even proposed a rule that we could pelt the competitive jocks with feces after they win! I got voted down though, some crap about spreading diseases and vomiting. I argued back that vomiting can be cororful, and some diseaeses are fun to get, I still lost the vote, and then got voted out of the meeting.
We want to see and expeirence spectacular taunts this season. Skits that either arouse and/or disturb us! Once a week you will don your costumes and transform into that wildly creative party animal you always wanted to be. Don’t worry we won’t tell you mommy about the depraved acts you commit on the field. We might show your button down, puritanical boss pictures of you chugging a 40 of Steele Reserve while flashing a batter and later humping a blow up doll, but not if you pay us blackmail money.
Most everyone is back this summer. The Pirates are returning with their sweet booty. Varsity promised to unveil a retooled dance squad, along with a mobile pole and strobe lights. WNDRFL devolved/evolved and will be back with a lot of new faces from kickball past. The Tang are back and so is that party animal GOB (Giant Orange Ball). Ball Deep, Darkside, AveRats, Space Cowboy, anf the Happy Birthdays are all game for one more summer.
We hope to have another great season this year. We will have another mid-season Saturday Jamboree, on July 12th. Regular games will be on the traditional Wednesday, Thursday nights. I really hope to see all of you this summer!