The Greatness and Ugliness of Opening Night!
WOW! I know opening day is this Saturday, but you truly missed out on some classic kickball tonight if you weren’t there. Everyone’s attitude and commit to kickball excellence shone extra brilliantly tonight!
The first game featured the return of Danger Mustache vs. Beyond Thunderdome (starring Tina Turner!) Beyond Thunderdome opened up this skit season with a whopper straight out of the wasteland. They had signs, a script, props, it was quite the show. They then proceeded to put on a kickball clinic for the DM, who was a bit rusty after not having played last season. It was quite the game even at 25-1, but it was marred by two ugly incidents.
First, Beyond Thunderdome was not drinking any beer, but they then actually knocked over some drinks of the DM! This kind of temperance movement will not be tolerated in the WKL! Take your queue from Karli on the DM, screaming in the outfield, balls bouncing off of her head. This is what we want and expect from our players. Your prudish attitude towards fun and alcohol is not acceptable. I enjoy incoherently talking with Cole after a half-rack of PBR, please don’t take that away from me! We need Amy a little tipsy, otherwise she just makes every play in the field. C’mon guys!
The second incident was so heinous, so reprehensible, it has spawned a ******NEW RULE****** If a player feels the need to “flash” or show partial or full nudity during a game, THE COMMISH MUST SEE IT! I’m sorry but I have to assess the package(s) and make sure they are in full compliance with league rules! This rule will be strictly enforced and I’m going to have to be hard-on teams about it. At the very least you’ll have to repeat the incident so that I can assess it.
Game two had Tha Tang vs. Git Sum, and we saw just how intense the new emphasis on taunts is going to be this season. Git Sum opened by writing a phenomenal rock opera taunting Tha Tang. Truly, Peder playing guitar was inspiring, I am so glad that the stalking laws in this state are kind of lax, because I LOVE YOU PEDER! Science is truly going to bring it with Git Sum’s skits this year, so you should all prepare accordingly. Tha Tang was undaunted though for they had prepared an original score of their own. After ending their song by mocking some mothers, I think they actually out danced Git Sum’s signature “Running Man”, but hey, what are you going to do, I think Colleen is a professional ballerina. The game was just great. Do not think that because Tha Tang won the Festival of Losers last year you can count them as a win this season. It took everything Git Sum had to pull that game out 7-6. Truly a kickball classic!
Thanks to everyone for a great night. The mood, attitude, frivolity, and playfulness of all the participants were phenomenal, and it truly reminded me of why we still do this. It’s just one hell of a good time every night we play!