Thursday night, Bitter Lake field in Shoreline
The first game, Pirates v Sex Move featured two sexually explicit taunts. A little racy for the Bitter Lake playfields, for sure. Pirates taught a sex-ed class, demonstrating each team’s favorite sexual position on a blow-up doll. As near as I could tell, BluetoothFannypack likes to lick butt, Awesomtown is into orgies, DM gives mustache rides, etc. I’ll have to get them to provide a list for the website. The finale was that Sex Move only knows one way to do it, how do I say this…making love to oneself. Sex Move did a counter-taunt that was pretty silly. Their captain Kevin dressed up as Peter Pan and flitted his way to confession with a priest. He confessed his inappropriate feelings for Wendy, and the priest offered to help cure him. He asked Peter Pan to step outside of the confessional with his back to the priest’s door. The priest came out, he was actually Captain Hook, and there was a little sodomy action. See what I mean? Dirty taunts! Then the game happened and someone won. Probably the Pirates.
Next game was Darkside v Awesomtown!1!! Darkside taunted first. They all wore hardhats, and two of them began by circling Awesomtown with yellow caution tape. Next they went around putting “marked for Demolition” stickers on each member of Awesomtown. Finally they walked up and hung a sign on the Awesomtown team that said “Future Home of Darkstar Condominiums”. The sign had images of futuristic buildings and a list of features for the new development. It was delivered wordlessly, which made the punchline even funnier. Next Awesomtown encircled Darkside and performed as a marching band (complete with uniforms!) and sang a silly song. After a torturously long debate, the umps decided to give the win to Darkside! Their first taunt win ever, and they were thrilled! See guys, taunts aren’t so bad, are they?
Awesomtown was disappointed, sure, but they didn’t show it when the game began. Todd was lugging around his adding machine and clipboards the whole game. Bob Awkward was dressed as a cyclist this game and carried his bike on his shoulder the ENTIRE game. At some point he started disassembling it, so by the end he only had a frame. Bud, dressed as a gnome, caught the first ball that was pitched to him and took off running like a quarterback all the way across the field to the woods. Hysterical! And then the marching band (from the taunt), which was about 9 members strong, played as a unit on the field. They were mostly the right fielders, but they got up to kick about three times. One of them would kick and then they would frantically run, playing their instruments the whole time. The best was seeing them all try to stand on base together. Darkside let them make a home run once, just for fun. This led to a lot of confusion on the scoreboard, meaning that the final score ended up being 22-Darkside to Infinity times four - Awesomtown!
