Three things this week Douche bags. One. You know, I get up off my ass and go to the field every week not because I got to, but because I’m a nice fucking person. And I want to see some nice people do shit, like crafts and shit. So let me see a team do their taunt and then you do yours. Don’t get in the way of their taunt, cause I can’t see then, and I ain’t getting up off my chair that I lugged all the way to the field from my Brat when I put it there to sit in it. And you know my perspective is better there anyway–skirt level. You habla, assholes? Second, there is some bullshit a little fucking birdie told me that they gotta win. I don’t know what kind of white shit you douche bags are smoking, but it’s not the same shit I’m snorting cause professional sports are for pussies. I got kicked off my baseball team a few years back, and you know what? Big fucking deal. The things that team made me deal with–exercise, deadlines, expectations–you all couldn’t handle my world. What you all got to complain about? You show up, check out some hot action, bounce around a red fucking ball, and hopefully if you’re not retarded, you meet someone and get laid. So if you want to pretend that you’re athletic enough to make it in the real world, join a real sports league. Third, I like to see the ladies out of the field baking shit and wearing slutty clothes, so good job with that, you took my advice and went to the mall to meet some ladies. Thank god you aren’t as useless as I thought. But you know what is useless? Arguing baseball rules with umps. You pussies aren’t in a baseball league, and I gotta admit that it brings me pleasure always being able to remind myself how much better and cooler of a person I am than you, but you give me too many opportunities. I’m starting to get embarresed for you. If someone is blocking the base, knock their shit over. Or if it’s a bigger pussie than you, which they probably are, you can remind them that if they block the base, they WILL get knocked over. And if your team is up by 5 points, man, you are choosing the wrong battle. You should be talking to a lady next to you, showing her how pumped you are to be winning the big game, but don’t talk to my girlfriend Debbie, cause I will have to show you a whole new kind of mean. Don’t talk anymore shit to me unless you’re bringing a protein bar to me. I’m getting pumped to get back on my baseball league soon, where I don’t have to deal with all you crafty assholes.
This Week’s Rule of the Week is DIAPER. All you whiney pussies better shut the fuck up or you’re wearing the diaper that I put a special treat in for you.